baby update

I went to another appointment today (I have to go pretty much every week) with a bad taste in my mouth. Meaning I am fed up with these hormones I have to take. I was hoping the dr would lower my dose or give some kind of hope for feeling a little better. We did the ultra sound and the little peanut we saw last week grew into a rather recognizable little baby! Complete with dancing arms and legs! It was amazing to see. He/she is measuring a little small so the doc said we are not going to slow down on the meds and he is also putting me on some moderated bed rest. He said I don't have to lay down ALL day but he doesn't want me exercising, cleaning, anything that is straining to my body. Which, lets be honest, is pretty much what I've been doing anyway. I don't move a whole lot. :) The dr is hopeful that things will be okay, but we are not in the clear until 14 weeks so we still have a few weeks left of being careful and making sure this little baby stays healthy and strong.

This pregnancy so far has been a real test of my patience and faith. I am so so so grateful to be doing this, but I have never in my life experienced such physical adversities. Some days the only productive thing I get done that day is hug my kids. My hormones are out.of.control. Way more than just the regular emotional ups and downs of pregnancy. This medicine makes me crazy. I cry for no reason at all except for the fact that I feel like crying and I have to do it. I get so angry at people who don't really deserve it. I yelled at a teacher at Rylies school who yelled at her to not step off the curb before my car stops....she was only trying to help, but she was rude so I said some words.....not really sure where they came from. And my poor husband gets the worst of it. He has to deal with me overreacting, freaking out, crying for nothing, getting upset about weird things, bossing him around, making him my Cinderella, making him get me donuts at night, or Coldstone when I have a migraine...I could go on. He's being so wonderful and helpful and doing everything I ask him to do with a smile on his face....I think. I could not do this without him. The water I'm retaining is doing wonders for my emotional stability as well.....right. Gaining as much weight in the first trimester as I usually do when I'm 8 months pregnant....is really fun! The doctor keeps reassuring me it's water, but I don't really care what it is, whether its fat or water, it still makes you look the same! I try to ignore it and try to wear the loosest fitting clothes I have so I don't notice it as much. But my wonderful husband still makes me feel beautiful and confident and I try not to care about my ever growing waistline.....that's not contributed AT ALL by the baby, yet.

Here is me being real. Some days I feel like I can't do this one more day. When I get my fourth migraine that week, and I can't eat anything, and my house is a disaster and my kids are driving me crazy and I can't fit into any of my clothes..... I try and be as positive as I can....or cry. :)When people ask me how I'm feeling I literally want to cry every time, but I can't do that because I really am happy to be doing what I'm doing. I think it's an absolute miracle that the problem was found out when it was and we were able to treat it when we did. He/she is kinda a miracle baby in my eyes. Being sick and being a mom is so hard. But knowing what I'm doing it for makes me take that Satan pill every night. It will all be worth it right? Every time I see that little peanut on the ultrasound screen I am amazed at what our bodies can do. In a few months I hope to be feeling better and happier and grateful that I went through such a hard time to get such a great outcome. .