reporting from the hospital

23 doctors appointments
14 ultra sounds
5 prescription medications
4 weeks on bed rest
1 MRI
5 trips to labor and delivery
3 false labors
6 bottles of Tums
And lots of prayers brought my little angel Jett Micheal Kenji Tao into our family.
Kenji means "strong healthy second boy" in Japanese



I have a few minutes of down time in between holding my little guy, visitors, and sleeping so I thought I would post an update and also explain our situation. The last two days have been so so hard, exciting, exhausting, painful, tearful, and grateful. Starting last week I was experiencing some bleeding. After several trips to labor and delivery my doctor finally decided that things were getting too high risk and an abruption of the placenta was probably the cause of the bleeding. Which can be very dangerous. When I went to my appointment on Wednesday morning he told me to expect to be induced that evening. He said the risks of staying pregnant were worse than the risks of the baby being a little premature. So I came home, cried in Michael's arms, and then we started preparing. He immediately gave me a blessing to help me with the shock of what was happening and to give me and the baby strength to get through it. My mom hopped on a plane and I made 1000 phone calls to friends and family to explain what was going on. After we ate dinner with the kids and arranged babysitters, we headed for the hospital, bags packed.

When we got to the hospital, they put me in a triage room and monitored me for about an hour. Then my doctor came in to talk to me. He explained that he was having second thoughts about inducing. He was  hesitant because he wasn't 100% sure the bleeding was from the placenta abrupting and was nervous about the baby being premature. After a long discussion about the risks we decided to admit me for observation over night and watch the bleeding. I was totally confused and devastated that now it might not be happening after finally accepting everything. I cried and cried and cried.

So we got in a room and hooked up to an IV. The nurse offered me some Ambien, which I had never taken before, but they really wanted me to sleep. So I took 2 on an empty stomach, which was stupid of the nurse to let me do that. About an hour later the doctor came in and checked my bleeding and it was still there so they told me he had to go do a C section and when he got back they would check it again. So an hour later they came back and the bleeding was still there and I was contracting pretty regularly. So he said "I'm going to break your water right now" Ummmmm, what? So he did and they started my pitocin at 2 in the morning. Mind you, I am completely out of it from the 2 Ambiens....you are not suppose to be awake on Ambien, it messes with your brain! So I was not coherent, to say the least. Then I get my epidural and play the waiting game. Which wasn't very long because 10 minutes later I felt a head coming down. I called the nurse and told her I thought he was coming out, she checked me and said "Oh ya, you are at a 7 and is head is super low, he'll be here in about a half hour" Holy cow! So I called my photographer, Nikki Davis at 2:30 and bless her heart, she woke herself up and came down to photograph everything.

Literally about 10 minutes after the photographer got there I was really feeling a lot of pressure and the need to push. Let me remind that it has been about 40 minutes since my water broke and a half hour since I got my epidural,and it WAS NOT in effect yet. I was feeling pretty much everything. My nurse came back in and checked me and I was at a 10 and ready to push! Hello 45 minute labor!! We woke up Micheal, who was peacefully sleeping on the couch and said it was time to get the baby out. A whole team of neo natal specialist came in and explained that I probably wouldn't get to hold the baby after he came out since he would be so small and probably need oxygen right away. I was pretty much in shock that it was all happening so fast, and that mixed with the fog of the Ambien, I was a real mess. And worried that my epidural still hadn't kicked in. I never prepared to have a natural delivery...which was what was happening.

So the next contraction I was told to push and Oh. My. Gosh. it hurt like nothing I've EVER felt before. I pushed my little heart out but the only thing I was thinking was "I seriously can't do this. How do people do this? This is impossible" It was beyond my pain threshold. Way beyond. But I didn't have a choice, I had to get him out. It took about 10 minutes to push him out and I know I should be grateful that it was so fast but that pain is not one I never want to feel again. So props to anyone who has done a natural birth. And I will brag about it from now on thank you very much. I'm in the club. :)

So he arrived at 3:55 am!! 5 lbs 14 oz. He was tiny and gooey and screaming and I fell in love instantly. He was whisked away by the team of doctors and assessed right away. I had to have an episiotomy so the doctor fixed me up while I watched my baby being treated. They wrapped him up and I got to hold him for a total of 6 seconds and then he was taken away. I cried and cried and cried. Everything happened so fast and now my baby was taken away from me. I got transferred to a recovery room and then we were able to go see him. He was hooked up to a breathing machine with an IV and wires coming out all over. Heart, broken. We stayed for a little bit and were able to touch him but that's about all we could do. We got to our room around 6 in the morning and  Michael fell asleep on the couch while I dealt with the post labor contractions.

A few hours later we were back in the NICU watching our sweet baby struggle to breath. My little brother Peter came over and the boys gave him a very sweet blessing asking Heavenly Father to give him strength to overcome his health issues and be strong enough to get through the next few weeks. Not being able to hold your new baby is such an empty feeling. His place is right in my arms next to my heart and not being able to do that was breaking my heart. Seeing that breathing machine on his face was impossible to accept. He was so helpless and undeserving of this. But he was alive and here and I was so grateful for that.

So the doctors think he will have to be in the NICU for at least two weeks. He was able to get the CPAP machine off fairly quickly and is now breathing on his own. So we can hold him whenever we want now. The next obstacle is getting him to nurse. He surprised everyone today and nursed 3 times!! His pediatrician was blown away. He still has to have a feeding tube put in tomorrow but I can still nurse him as often as he is willing to do it. I will be discharged tomorrow morning but I will be here with him as much as I can. My mom is here to help take care of the kids and Michael has been such a source of strength for me. He has been here by my side through the whole thing, never letting me feel any doubt that things will be just fine. His priesthood blessings have been such a source of comfort. He loves his little boy so much and seeing him hold such a tiny body melts my heart.

Little Jett is such a sweet angel. He has the sweetest disposition and countenance. When he cries he sounds like a little puppy. His lungs aren't quite strong enough to produce a loud noise of any kind so it sounds pretty pathetic and cute at the same time. :) I am so in love with him and will here by his side every second until he gets to come home with me. We are taking things one day at a time and seeing how long he will have to stay. This is not how I pictured things to go and it has been the hardest few days of my life. But I know heavenly Father has a plan and his spirit is right here with us making sure this little baby is taken care of. We are so grateful for every ones support and prayers and we feel so loved. I will try and update his progress and keep track of how everything is going.

Lots of pictures will be posted as soon as I get home to my computer!