Therapy session 2.5

This class was a sorta finishing up last weeks class so we didn't quite move on to the next session. We talked a lot more about the details of the play therapy. We also talked a lot about some other really good child psychology topics. We talked about why children want "negative attention" from us, meaning, when they act out specifically to get us to get angry with them. My daughter is the champion of this. She purposefully does things that will make me mad, just to make me mad. Like peeing all over the floor and laughing about it.....mind you, she's been completely potty trained for a year. I have been wondering why she does things like this for a long time. I couldn't figure out why she wanted me to mad at her instead of trying to get praise from me. Its because children crave ENERGY from us. It's not the attention. Positive and negative energy feels similar to them. As long as they are getting our energy, they feel a sense of closeness to us. The key is to get them to crave the positive energy from us. If we don't put any energy at all into the negative things they do, especially if they know they aren't suppose to be doing it, like peeing on the floor, they will learn that they won't get any energy at all. This is really hard when the first thing you want to do is yell, or discipline. You have to ignore it.

Then we talked more about the reflective responding. I can't stress enough how effective this is. I have solved many tantrums and fits using this. This morning my daughter was freaking out because she wanted to play with some kittens outside and I didn't want her to because they are feral and discusting. Now, normally I would have said "No kittens. If you don't stop crying about it you are going to go to your room." Then it turns into a power struggle. So she started throwing a fit and I sat her down and started reflecting. I said "You are really sad about those kittens. You really want to play with those kittens. You really love those kittens. They make you so happy." After I was done saying all this she said "Mommy, I really do love those kittens" and that was it. Done. She left happy and done with the topic. Like I've said before, they don't really need the problem solved (unless it really needs solving) they just want to feel heard and understood. This is the main thing you do during play therapy. Its also really important to understand that your child should feel UNDERSTOOD rather than needed to be changed or cured. The reflective responding should take no longer that 10 or 15 seconds. After that you have lost their attention. 10 or 15 seconds is all it takes to reflect back what they are feeling. This technique also works well in other day to day relationships, including your marriage. :) People want to feel important and this is a really good tool to use.

By the way, does anybody know how to get vascaline out of hair? Rylie thought it would be fun to put it in her and Davis' hair tonight. It does not wash out. Both of thier entire heads are covered in it. Man, you'd think I never watch my kids with amount of crazy things they do!