Therapy Session 3

This week we talked yet again about the details of the play therapy. I asked the age old question "Why do children regress?" I wanted to know why they seem to be doing so well for a period of time and then regress back to the behavior that was causing the problem in the first place, for no apparent reason or change in environment. It seems like they get into a pattern of good and bad behavior. My daughter does this as well as some of the other mom's children. So we were all curious. For example, Rylie has been potty trained for a year and now all the sudden she pees everywhere, all day long. I took her to the doctor and ruled out any medical reason for the problem. So.....why? She knows she's not suppose to, she knows she will get praise if she makes the right choice. It seems to me like she does this with her day to day behavior as well. She will behave really well with no fits or bad behavior for a few weeks and then a switch is flipped and she is a whole nother kid. (Which is why she has been diagnosed bipolar.) The therapist told me that the reason they do this is because they need to feel some type of control. Usually they do this if a big change of environment or something traumatic happens. But this is not the case with us. They need to feel like they can be the one with the power. They need to, in their own little ways, comfort themselves by choosing to behave well, or not so well. It goes back also to the wanting energy from us. Negative or positive. The play therapy helps to solve this issue of power. It makes them feel like they have complete control over the situation, even if its just for the 30 minute play time. This should help suppress the feelings of needing to control and manipulate their surroundings. They suggested giving a lot of effort, during these times of reggression, in giving them extra attention and love. Spend one on one time with them and let them know you are there, you understand, you hear them, and you care about them.

I had an interesting question this week from a friend. She was wondering why the reflective responding wasn't working on her 2 year old who was throwing a fit. The therapists answer to her would be "You can't heal a broken arm in 1 day. We all want instant results with these techniques. It does not work that way." So...................sorry? I feel that way as well, I get frustrated when it doesn't work. Its all about consistency. Which is also really frustrating. When you're in that moment all you want is control and a fast way to get the child to cooperate. I suggest trying the reaflective responding more when she isn't throwing a fit. Use it during play activities and meal times, get her used to the idea that you are really paying attention to her. She may not understand that all the sudden when she's throwing a fit that you are suddenly really paying attention to her. She probably doesn't know what you are doing. So try doing it when she happy and then maybe she'll recognize what you're doing when she's freakin out. Maybe not...... just try it and see. :)

At this current moment in time I am experiencing a phenomenon known as extremely annoying whining. When my daughter doesn't want to do some thing, it's this- "uuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. nnnnnnoooooooo. uuuuuuuuuuuuuu (the "uuuu" is going high pitched and then back to a normal voice.) I cannot handle this phenomenon. I just want to flick her little mouth. She's in her bad behavior slump right now. I have to literally stop and take a deep breath and choose how to respond. Sometimes she gets sent directly to her room, sometimes I try and reflect, sometimes I ignore her, sometimes I yell and yell and yell. This is a great example of what NOT to do. I am not consistent with her limits. Children need and crave limits. They thrive off of boundaries and consequences. It is important to keep the same boundaries and consequences for everything they do. Including good consequences. I do a "Thumbs Up Choices" chart and she gets to put a sticker on and when she gets 10 stickers she gets to go get frozen yogurt with mom and dad. sometimes this motivates her, sometimes it doesn't. But its the times that it does that saves THAT moment from a meltdown.

I think with my next therapy session post I will talk more about the play therapy details. They are so interesting.